Coping with Loneliness

I used to think I wanted to live forever. My then-young son told me that wasn’t a good idea. He couldn’t really explain to me at the time what he was thinking, but he was adamant. Later, we read one of his school assigned-reading books together, Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt, and the penny finally dropped for me. (Forget the fact this is a children’s book and pick up a copy — it’s excellent.)

I was recently speaking with a man in his early 90s, who said, “My mom is dead. My dad is dead. My brother is dead. My sister is dead. My wife is dead. I’ve outlived them all.”

For some, this could be touted as a victorious feat and worn with a badge of honor; for others, it could be a desolate situation.

If one is not feeling triumphant in this position, that is a heavy place to sit. This particular gentleman still has his best friend (same age), and he has lots of younger people around him all the time, including some good friends who are a decade or so behind him. But, it seems to me after talking to him that there is a different level of loneliness when you’re the last of your ilk.

There is a tendency, I think, to assume one who is lonely is also sad. Though this may not always be the case, Julia Métraux in Everyday Health says depression and loneliness appear to reinforce each other. From that same article, Drew Maygren, DO, a psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Oakland, California says, “Among a cohort of older adults in the UK, there was a 29% increase in depressive scores of those that reported loneliness compared with those who did not report loneliness.”

For other reasons, loneliness is also increasing among young people with 1 in every 3 young adults reporting feeling lonely. Gone are the days of mandatory human interaction, replaced, instead by technological interfacing which some say can make loneliness “more like virtual isolation.”

In some respects, you can’t fix normal. This is simply a sad situation. I think, though, homeopathy can help one cope with this heavy, lonely burden.

Let’s look at some possible MIND rubrics, using various repertories (Mangialavore*; Murphy (both Homeopathic Remedy Guide and Meta*); Saine; Schroyens), followed by the number of remedies listed in each, including the remedies I have chosen to highlight (note: when rubrics were available in multiple repertories, I chose to use the one with the largest number of remedies available):

• abandoned, forsaken feelings; elderly, people in (5: ars; aur; nat-m; puls)
• abandoned, forsaken feelings; friendless, feels lonely (6: ars; nat-m; phos; puls)
• age - old people - forsaken feeling (25: aur; bell-p) 
• ailments from - death of loved ones (134: arg-n; ars; bell-p; puls)
• alone, ailments from being (43: ars; nat-m; phos; puls)
• anxiety, alone, when (25: arg-n; ars; phos)
• delusions**; alone; world, in the (24: none of my chosen remedies are in this rubric)
• delusions, imaginations; alone; always (3: nat-m; puls)
• depression, sadness, alone, when (28: ars; aur; nat-m; phos; puls)
• fear, alone of being (16: none of my chosen remedies are in this rubric)
• fear, death, of - alone, when - evening in bed (5: ars; phos)
• fears, phobias, general; alone, of being (82: arg-n; ars; nat-m; phos; puls)
• fears, phobias, general, alone, of, being, die, lest he (7: ars; phos)
• forsaken feeling - isolation, sensation of (38: arg-n; puls)
• homesickness, nostalgia, general (60: aur; nat-m; phos; puls)
• loneliness, feelings (75: arg-n; ars; aur; nat-m; phos; puls)
• sadness, despondency, depression, melancholy - company - desire for (3: arg-n)

There are other, smaller, more specific rubrics which I will not throw into the mix, such as: “being a castaway” or “imaginations, alone, graveyard, in a” — but I think it’s useful to know these rubrics exist.

**Continuing the theme from the Language of Rubrics earlier this month:
Delusion: in modern parlance, we may equate this with someone who is “delusional,” implying someone with a mental illness. That is not necessarily the case in the language of rubrics.
Delusion = a false judgement of objective things.
Dr. Muhammed Rafeeque’s Reverse Repertory of the Mind explains further:

• Delusion — False belief or idea.
• Hallucination — Perception of something that is not present.
• Illusion — Wrong interpretation of an existing thing.

“In repertory, all are given together as each one of them is a different grade of wrong perception.”
“Wrong perception” sums it up nicely, I think.

Now, let’s see what remedies are indicated for these thoughts…

Rafeeque lists some of the important drugs for delusions/hallucinations and illusions: Argentum nitricum; Belladonna; Coccinum; Hyoscyamus; Ignatia; Lachesis; Petroleum; Phosphoric acid; Sabadilla; Stramonium; Sulphur (which is found only in the large “loneliness” rubric). (The bold remedies in this list are also represented in our rubrics listed above.)

It’s important when choosing a remedy to consider the following differentiation: is this a rubric to lift the delusion or idea, or, is this a rubric addressing the loneliness? What are we trying to achieve?

There are many, many homeopathic remedies which may be relevant here, but I have chosen just a couple of commonly available remedies to compare.

Natrum muriaticum, Aurum metallicum, Phosphorus, Pulsatilla, Argentum nitricum and Arsenicum album are all well indicated; in fact, all of them are also in Murphy’s “elderly constitutions” rubric (90). For each head to head comparison, both remedies are indicated, but one may be a little more indicated than the other and I tried to simply give a flavor of each remedy in regard to how they may relate to loneliness.

Nat mur and Aurum are both excellent sadness/depression remedies.

• Nat mur often likes to be alone — or, another way to say it is they are aggravated while in company; they may have a desire for solitude. That doesn’t mean there may not be sadness or depression when they are alone, but they may feel better when they are by themselves, despite the loneliness. Or, they may be able to cry when alone but buck themselves up when with others. Nat mur may be a little more angry, specifically they may have anger with silent grief. They may hide their true feelings more.
• Aurum metallicum is indicated in all the Nat mur symptoms, too, but perhaps not so prominently. They may have an aversion to being spoken to. A fear of people may develop. Aurum may have a violent anger. There may be a sense of doom and despair and apathy or joylessness. Difficulty sleeping. Weakness.

Phosphorus and Pulsatilla both hate to be alone. In very broad terms, Phosphorus is more fearful and Pulsatilla is sadder.

• Pulsatilla may have more of a feeling of abandonment and may have some level of anthropophobia (fear of people). Clinging behavior and they may be worse in crowds. There may be weeping and they feel better for doing so. Feelings of helplessness and isolation and they may demonstrate jealousy. Moodiness/ changeable moods.
• Phosphorus has a lot of fear and anxiety. They may be distracted and are better by being occupied by mental diversions. Phosphorus may be reserved and weary of life. Difficulty sleeping. Weakness.

Arsenicum album and Argentum nitricum are two more "fearful/anxious” remedies (both are level 4 in Murphy in the anxiety rubric). Again, both of these remedies are in all of these rubrics; I have just highlighted the higher ranked remedies.

• Arsenicum album… anxiety: with anger; when alone; about their health; on waking. Losing the desire to eat. Desires company. May have a presentiment of death. Depression. Filled with despair, particularly about their salvation. Fastidious/obsessive compulsive. Fearful: of death; impending disease or of being incurable; of robbers. They may feel helpless. Desires to talk to others.
• Argentum nitricum… anxiety: anticipatory; compelled to do something when (“fruitlessly busy”); about the future (anticipatory, essentially). Mental confusion. Disagreeable/irritable. Worse in crowds. Not very talkative. Exhaustion from mental exertion. Fearful: of losing control; in crowds; of evil; something bad will happen; imaginary things; insanity. Impulsive behavior. Stubborn. Panic attacks. Overly sensitive. Persistent and/or tormenting thoughts.

Bellis perennis showed up very strongly in Massimo Mangialavore’s*** rubric: Age - old people - mind - forsaken feeling… so I went looking a little further and I was surprised to see it in the ailments from death of loved ones rubric. Most people know Bellis as a “deeper” Arnica — something to try when Arnica doesn’t quite do what it is needed to do on a physical level.

Let’s take a little look at some prominent mental symptoms of Bellis perennis (Schroyens & Murphy’s Meta*):

Anxiety about their or their or loved one’s health. Indifference: to pain; to loved ones; stoical to what happens. (The word “stoical” is in this rubric so I am going to assume this is different than “apathy.” note: Mangialavori has this remedy in both “heroic” and “stoic.”) Too much sense of duty. Dictatorial/domineering. Aversion to being touched. Aggravated by consolation. Abandoned/forsaken feelings. Ailments from agony/anguish; ailments from grief. Anger alternating with indifference. Fastidious. Fearful of impending danger and heart disease. Panic attacks. Feels friendless; forsaken feeling. Silent grief; cannot cry. They feel better from physical exercise. Aggravated by company. Oversensitive to criticism/reprimands.

All of these, ultimately overlapping, remedies may help regardless of age, or reason for the loneliness. Look a little beyond the surface of loneliness and see what lies underneath to find the most well-suited remedy.


Julia Coyte, CHom
Classically Practical homeopath

#wellnessawaits


*Both Mangialavore’s and Murphy’s Meta repertory are (will be?) available in Similia.io†.

**This note is beneath the list of rubrics, in the text.

***I recently listened to a talk by Massimo Mangialavore and he was talking about the idea that perhaps we don’t need more homeopathic remedies but that maybe we should work on the quality of the information we have on our existing remedies rather than keep adding more. He also says he doesn’t “consider a good case something where the follow-up is not at least four, five years.” With that, I put a little more stock in the remedies in his repertory because they generally come with a lot of reflection.

†I have no affiliation with this company other than they have been kind enough to open up the full software for me to play around with it. I have to say, I really like Similia and I enjoy using it.


Reference list
Métraux, J. and Vann, M. R., 2012. Dealing With Depression and Loneliness [online]. EverydayHealth.com.
MUHAMMED., D. and Salini, J. P., 2021. Reverse Repertory of the Mind. B. Jain Publishers (P.) Ltd.
Newport Institute, 2022. Loneliness and Depression in Young Adults [online]. Newport Institute.